I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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