Define "chronic" masturbator.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
