What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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