How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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