wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
