The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize