the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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