I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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