I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
