OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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