After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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