3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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