she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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