Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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