You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
