i may or may not be watching the land before time
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
