My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
