I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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