elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
