Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
