Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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