my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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