Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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