I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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