We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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