he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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