so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
