Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
