I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
