Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
