I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
