A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
