Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
