Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
