have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
