Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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