I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
