:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
