Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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