I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
