did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
