Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
