I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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