Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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