I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
