You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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