if i can run in heels then i can drive
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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