Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
