We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
