Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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