By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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