I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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