I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
