so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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