it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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