He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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