big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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