I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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