Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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