I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
