I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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