there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
