that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize