im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
