I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
