what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
