Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can Purell be used as lube?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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