Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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